Wholeness

As I came close to the mid-point of my collection of the A-Z of Just Being, some niggling thoughts and doubts began to surface and trouble me. Was I being too arrogantly ambitious in wanting to attain all these attributes? Authentic. Brave. Curious… Was it even possible? Was I being delusional or even superficial? What does it say about me when I want to become so much more? Am I so imperfect?

These questions got me thinking deeply and my honest reflections brought me back to a place where I had originally started from but had kind of forgotten… that I AM already Whole and it is still quite natural to strive for betterment. Not perfection, which I think is over-rated. Just being a wee bit better today than yesterday. Thus, as a reminder to myself, as I move towards the second half of my musings, W is for Wholeness.

Part of being Whole involves accepting and embracing your shadow self which I have written about in previous blogs. No one is perfect and each life has its own struggles and trauma, big or small. And it is essential for our emotional wellbeing that we come to terms with our so-called flaws, old programmes, faulty beliefs and imperfection and those parts of us that have been wounded, hurt and shamed. It means releasing the shock or the trauma stored in our body. When you stop self-condemnation and/or get out of a victim mentality, you heal those parts of yourself and bring them together in love, acceptance and grace. Then you can master your emotions and not be reactive. Your spirit becomes whole, no longer splintered. It does not mean you will be happy 24/7. It is about accepting the reality of all your human emotions…the mad, the sad, the hard and the glad and remembering who you truly are under those emotions.

Deep down, I know I am Whole, just as everyone else is Whole.

“As you explore, you will find you already have wholeness inside; you just have to find the key and open the door”. Linda Caroll

That had been another raw, soul-searching dive for me. It meant going deep within to see what was going on there.

“We’ve got to descend to ascend”.

And I have to keep returning to that sense of wholeness from time to time and stay in touch with it. It is a continuous process.

My personal conviction is that being in Oneness with the Divine is what makes me feel whole. Wholeness and Oneness are interchangeable. It is only our spiritual self that remains whole, unbroken by the winds and waves that knock about our bodies, our minds and our emotions.

So I would like to remind myself plus emphasize that it is from a position of wholeness rather than a lack or deficiency that I endeavour to be the best version of myself and strive to take steps, albeit miniscule, towards the qualities I admire.

I Did It

 

I had ended my last blog post on Fear with Nike’s slogan ” Just do it”. And last week I got the chance to put my own advice into action. I needed to get out of my comfort zone to conquer this one fear…so I just did it! 

For most of my life, I have not been an outdoor person, preferring an armchair and a book any day. My sister, on the other hand, was very sporty and sometimes I envied her daring, adventurous spirit which saw her through many adrenalin-rush activities like paragliding and skydiving which I was never brave enough to try. Strangely though, in recent years, nature seems to beckon me and there has been a yearning to have a go at one water sport in particular…snorkelling.

Unfortunately, my first attempt at it had proved disastrous and that had raised the fear factor, partly of the activity itself but also of failing again.

Yet I was determined to try again and I got my second chance last week.This time I was wiser and went in better prepared.

The first thing I did was some research into the gear required…a full face mask or the traditional goggles and tube. Being claustrophobic, both didn’t seem ideal to me but according to some videos I saw, the latter won on most counts. So one decision made at least.

Next, I continued to watch more videos on how to snorkel, tips for beginners. This assuaged my fear of not being able to breathe, of water getting into my goggles as well as my mouth….all of which had a happened in my last attempt.

Moving from theory to practice, this time I actually invested in a short lesson even though it all sounded pretty simple. I wanted desperately to get it right and the step- by- step instructions really made it easier.

After that, I pushed to the back of my mind, any thoughts of being stung by a jellyfish, or coming across a shark, of not being able to jump off the boat or climb again as I had joint issues, of losing sight of others and being abandoned…I simply jumped, took a breath, put my head in and went with the flow.

Your 2023

Happy New Year to all my dear readers.

Many forwards for good wishes go around at this time of the year, but this is the one that resonated the most with me, so I’d like to share it with you, as did my friend with me. (Thanks Anisa.)

The image has multiple interpretations for me: waking up from slumber to awareness; liberating yourself from whatever is holding you back; manifesting your full potential; expanding your comfort zone; claiming your power; standing in your truth…. What does it mean to you? Pick one (or more) that you identify with and hold that intention for the year.

Good luck and all the best.

Quotes

I thought for this blog I would recap on some quotes I have used in previous blogs. Do leave a comment which is your favourite and why.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” Heraclitus

“A merry thought is medicine, ill thoughts dry the bones”. The Bible

“Wrong happens. You have to make the right happen.” Gopal Gaur Das

“Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” Francis Bacon

“The paradox of personal growth is that it begins with self-acceptance.”  Carl Rogers

“If we still ourselves we can mirror the Divine perfectly”  Sarah Blondin

“Think the thought until you believe it. Once you believe it, it is.”  Abraham Hicks

“The unexamined life is not worth living”  Socrates (5th C BC)

“The way to use life is to do nothing through acting. The way to use life is to do everything through being.”  Lao Tzu (6th C BC)

Cream teas and flowing rivers

I used to love afternoon teas. But that was way back in the days when I could guzzle umpteen cups of tea and scoff down all the carb-loaded scones and sarnies without them affecting either my waist or my bladder. Today I am not that keen on the afternoon teas anymore for various reasons and I think basically my taste buds have also changed.

But who observes these minute changes in you? Sometimes I think we ourselves are not totally conscious of how much one changes over the years. Not only in tastes but also in personality. Hopefully one is growing and evolving all the time.

I am convinced though that sometimes even close family and friends do not or cannot keep up with these changes. That struck me when a close relative recently treated me to an afternoon tea because she remembered that I liked them and another sent me a link to a themed tea which he thought I might enjoy. As both occurred one after the other, it got me thinking: how well do we really know people? And more importantly how can we keep track of their changing tastes as well as nature?

According to Heraclitus, who reasoned that everything is always changing and that this fact is fundamental to the functioning of the universe, it is not possible to step in the “same river” twice because the river is ever-changing.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

“And he’s not the same man.” That’s the crux. Like the flowing river, people are also ‘flowing’ from one day, one moment to the next. That is why it is suggested that when you meet a person, be so open as to see him with fresh eyes, as if you are meeting him for the first time. This is especially true for people near and dear to you, because one tends to assume and take their traits and proclivities as set in stone and as they are so close, (in proximity as well as relations), one needs to step back a bit and be alert to be able to notice the changes which can sometimes be quite subtle. Easier said than done, I think.

Yet worth keeping in mind, wouldn’t you say?

I am Health

My choice of word for the letter H might come across as unusual as my other words so far like Authenticity, Curiosity, Detachment, Forgiveness… have been more personality qualities or traits. I might have gone with Harmony or Hope, both of which are also important for me. But at this point in my life, Health stands out like a sore thumb.

So why Health?

As far back as I can remember, I was a robust child and young adult. My mother would always say with pride to her friends how I was no trouble at all, to the extent that she never had to take me to the doctor’s. Apart from a tonsillitis operation, I breezed through my youth without any health scare or major complaints. I understand today that my mother’s repeated declarations were actually an expression of gratitude.

Youngsters, full of energy and vitality, feel invincible and sometimes overlook the fact that one has to take care of one’s health as it is not guaranteed to last. Though, try telling them that and it will fall on deaf ears.

I only woke up to that realisation myself in the last twenty years when my health issues surfaced and I think on the whole, I have faced my challenges full on and remained strong in spirit, in spite of them. I am also fully aware and grateful that my physical difficulties, though stressful, have never been as debilitating or crippling as for some others.

But I sometimes wonder where that robust young girl disappeared, and on reflection even though I thought I had been very resilient in later years, a certain negative thought pattern had crept in slowly and insidiously. The ‘poor me’ mentality. Why is one thing after another happening to me?

I think I work hard to stay on top of my health issues, having kind of taken the reins in my own hands. Chronic pain does not seem to be a priority for general medicine practitioners and sometimes the sufferers are left to their own devices. There are many modalities out there which help with healing and I have heard and read about many miraculous self-healing stories. So why cannot I do it?

Lately I have been feeling stuck and not having much success, in spite of knowing that I have to address my negative thought patterns which create depressing feelings because “Your body hears everything your mind says.” Naomi Judd. So “To change your body, you must first change your mind.”

Healing with the mind has been around for thousand of years. It is written in the Bible:

“A merry thought is medicine, ill thoughts dry the bones”.

Making this shift from ill thinking (Oh dear! What now?) to my new mantra I am Health, is what I have been focusing on for a while but with not very significant results. Then as synchronicity would have it, just yesterday I listened to an interview with Brandy Gillmore PhD, an expert in mind-body healing which not only reminded me of the science behind the mind-body connection but also reinforced the need to create a radical shift in my feelings and reprogramming my mind at a deeper, subconscious level.

Our thoughts do really create our lives more than we realize and thoughts create feelings. I am aware that I have a tendency to bury my emotions. So it’s been a while that I have been working on identifying specific emotions, like anger, hurt, rejection, resentment… and either tapping on them or meditating with supportive soundtracks to let them go. The complexity arises when there are more than one emotion and one has to work harder.

Gillmore also emphasised the greater importance of accessing positive emotions like feeling loved and being connected which she demonstrated with a visualization exercise that helps you feel lifted. I am familiar with such practices and her pointing out that it is even more important to raise our energy’s vibrational frequency is a reminder for me to do it more often. She also suggested to use music to help you feel good which I also find helpful. As Gopal Gaur Das says:

“Wrong happens. You have to make the right happen.”

What’s more, I was reminded that you have to reinforce the new programme over and over again till it becomes the new norm. Thus my journey in self-healing continues and it just struck me that this path is linked very closely to my endeavours in being more Authentic, Curious, Detached, Grateful, Forgiving, Joyful… because I believe all those attributes can promote wellbeing and Health.

An appeal

I am going a bit off the beaten track this time. But I hope you will indulge me and follow.

One of my earliest blogs (Him and Her) was about feeling invisible in later years and the importance of still valuing oneself. It was perhaps easy for me to suggest that even though I am fully aware of the difficulty of implementing it and feeling that worth as so often our self-esteem is dependent on others and can thus be so easily eroded.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about this as I have been in close contact with elderly people who not only feel helpless and worthless but also very lonely even though they have family because no one seems to have time for them.

The common thread that comes up in talking to them is the dire need for human contact, I would imagine both emotionally and physically. Researchers have found that loneliness is just as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Lonely people are 50% more likely to die prematurely than those with healthy social relationships.

Recently, I was standing in a queue at a supermarket and the lady behind me, who only had a couple of items, was asked if she would like to go the self-service line as it would be quicker. She declined and turned round to explain to me that she came everyday just to buy one or two things so that she could talk to someone and we struck up a short conversation till it was my turn.

So I decided to make an appeal in my blog this time (even though it might be a bit presumptuous of me) and reach out to my dear readers to request them to phone an elderly relative, neighbour or friend, that they know or maybe even make time and visit.  

Wisdom

I have been off the radar for a bit for which I apologise but even though I have been unable to write, I have been following your comments, dear readers.

One of my friend-followers had commented in my I AM… blogs that she resonates with Bruce Lee’s advice “Be like water”, so she went with “I AM Water”. I found that really interesting, first because of the idea itself, to flow like water, but also because she had used a noun, representing a thing (water, in this case), instead of an abstract noun (Curiosity) that can be interchanged with an adjective (curious), like I have been doing.

So for her, W would definitely be I AM Water. What about you?

As for me, I have gone with Wisdom to keep to my pattern. I AM wisdom. I AM wise. Why, you might ask?

I could say that as I enter another milestone decade this year, wisdom automatically comes with age. Or does it? For I was surprised to learn that according to research, overall old age does not seem to be necessary or sufficient for wisdom—what matters more may be the motivation to pursue its development. (I might also add that I know of several millennials who are wise beyond their age).

Thus one of my reasons to choose W for Wisdom—I am “motivated to pursue its development”.

I do think my life experiences have taught me a lot, the pivotal word being ‘taught’ because “wisdom is acquired only by learning from experience”. Wisdom largely emerges from reflection on past experiences. But I am still repeating some mistakes which by now I should have learnt not to, especially in certain areas of my life, and so ‘learning from experience’, and then applying the wisdom is an on-going lesson for me.

I also feel that I have picked up a lot of universal truths through reading and listening to motivational talks. But once again, knowledge is not sufficient for wisdom. I think one needs to experience the truth for oneself and only then can one own it as a personal ‘knowing’. For example, it is a universal truth that the only person one can change is oneself. Some may accept this blindly but others fall into the trap of trying to change others. It is only after you have tried changing others and hit against walls countless times, will you then maybe be more open to and accepting of this ‘truth’, this wisdom. I have a long way to go in taking on board and practising what I read.

Another reason the quality of Wisdom resonates with me is because I understand that wisdom is inherent in us. And the reason I believe it is because I have experienced it for myself. I used to be a very self-reliant youngster, not needing to share my personal dramas with people. But the king of all dramas changed me and I started needing to talk to friends and ask for their advice. Not that that was a problem because when I opened up I became closer to a few friends. But I still did not feel very comfortable. Then many years down the road, when I took up meditation and ‘learnt’ that the answer is within if you only sit in silence and listen, and when I put that into practice and experienced the results for myself did I then truly understand what that meant:

“Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” Francis Bacon

So now I need to keep reminding myself to quieten my mind and go within to find my answers.

In some ways it is like going with your gut. I’m sure you can relate to the experience of having butterflies in your stomach, or to a gut-wrenching feeling. How often are we told not to ignore our “gut-instinct” or “gut-feeling” when making a decision. Yet so often when we are not open and do not listen, we ignore our intuition. Today, research shows how closely our gut and brain are connected, so closely that the gut is now called our second brain.

The key is to listen.

“Wisdom is understood by your heart and you learn by listening to it.”

I AM 2

Personally, I think “I AM” is the most powerful command statement there is. For what you put after it, you become. It frees you to be who you desire to become because it is the power of God being spoken into you.
It can be used to either empower you or limit you. So be careful of what you attach to the end of the statement as it will manifest into reality. If you keep saying to yourself “I am weak”, you will likely behave accordingly. Whereas if you change the statement to “I AM strong” the reality will start matching the words. When you go through the day saying : “I am blessed” ….blessings pursue you. 

That is the premise for my book “the A-Z of Just Being” and my own personal journey. I have chosen a state of being beginning with each letter of the alphabet which resonated with me personally; a quality that I wanted to enhance in myself.

I did the first three letters last week and thought I would share three more today.

E   I AM Empowered. What about you?

F   I AM Forgiving. What does F stand for you?

G I AM Grateful. How about you?

Let the power of I AM shape your life in the most magical way and please share how you practice these in the comments.

I AM

“I AM” is the most powerful command statement there is. For what you put after it, you become. It frees you to be who you desire to become because it is the power of God being spoken into you.
It can be used to either empower you or limit you. So be careful of what you attach to the end of the statement as it will manifest into reality. If you keep saying to yourself “I am weak”, you will likely behave accordingly. Whereas if you change the statement to “I AM strong” the reality will start matching the words. When you go through the day saying : “I am blessed” ….blessings pursue you. 

That is the premise for my book “the A-Z of Just Being” and my own personal journey. I have chosen a state of being beginning with each letter of the alphabet which resonated with me personally; a quality that I wanted to enhance in myself.

For example:

A for Authenticity. I AM Authentic. There could be so many other qualities you could choose: Awareness; Abundance; Acceptance…..What would you choose for the letter A?

C   I AM Curious.  There is Confidence; Courage; Calm; Compassion; Cheerful……

D  I AM Detached. How about Daring? Determined? Dependable?….

Let the power of I AM shape your life in the most magical way and please share how you practice these.